Surrogate Considerations
5 Questions to Consider When Choosing Intended Parents
You are doing the thing! You’re stepping into the next chapter of your surrogacy process and deciding on the family you will connect with and support. It’s such a personal decision, and guided by many factors that are tough to quantify. Sometimes it’s just a feeling you get when reading an intended parents’ story, or how you can see yourself helping that specific individual or couple.
We thought it would be helpful to share some questions experienced surrogates have asked themselves (us included!) when they are preparing to match. Think of this as a matching checklist for beginners.
As you learn more about potential intended parents’ — from their position on termination to their personalities — you get to decide what’s important to you as a surrogate when you envision your parent match. You have a lot of say in setting the tone for your surrogacy journey, starting with choosing the right-for-you intended parents.
You may know the answer to this question instantly, but it’s okay if it takes a little time to unpack. You’ll know when you know — (trust your gut!).
While the first question is rooted in your intuition, this one is more tactical. Surrogacy brings up big questions that are best considered before you actually need to answer them. For instance, what you would want to do if your health is at risk during the pregnancy or how okay you are with an intended parents’ decision to terminate a pregnancy if extreme circumstances presented themselves. These can be hard questions to think about, but they’re important. If you need any guidance on how to put these questions into perspective, we’re here to help.
To start here’s a look at how some of these questions may be phrased:
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Are you comfortable terminating the pregnancy if your life is in danger?
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What are your views surrounding termination for catastrophic defects?
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What are your views surrounding termination for abnormalities where quality of life will be unknown until after birth (example: Down syndrome or similar conditions)?
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What are your views on selective reduction? [Added context, if multiple embryos are transferred, and one were to split into twins and the other also stuck (we’re talking triplets now), selective reduction will be discussed and if you're willing to terminate in this rare, but possible scenario].
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There’s a reason there’s one surrogate per set of intended parents during a specific surrogacy cycle; not everyone is a match with everyone. Don’t hold back from being honest about who is a better match for you. Passing on intended parents, for whatever reason, simply gets them one step closer to finding the right surrogate for them.
We’ve had surrogates share how excited they were to be able to travel to their intended parents' IVF clinic state, and others who preferred to stay a little closer to home. The surrogacy journey is meant to be fulfilling and exciting for you, even on the hardest days. It starts with aligning on these basics.
In a perfect world, surrogacy takes about a year and a half from start to finish, but as we all know, life happens. You want to choose intended parents you’d like to hang out with outside of surrogacy.
Our
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Still Figuring It Out?
There’s a lot that goes into choosing surrogacy, but you don’t need to have all the answers right now. At Surrogacy.com, our role is to walk beside you—encouraging, supporting, and cheering you on from start to finish. Whether you’re curious and exploring or ready to take the next step, we’re here for you.
Let’s talk about what’s on your mind.
FAQs
The level of bonding and contact you have is up to you and the intended parents. This is usually mutually agreed upon and outlined in your surrogacy agreement. Some surrogates and intended parents enjoy frequent contact, while others prefer more “scheduled” or limited communication—the choice is yours!
After the baby is born, the intended parents assume all parental rights to the child by law, so your focus should remain on taking care of yourself physically and emotionally—with the love and support of your Surrogacy.com community!
While every journey is unique, it usually takes about 1 to 2 months for surrogates to match with intended parents. The timeline is highly dependent on your specific preferences and availability. It’s absolutely one of the most exciting and rewarding initial phases of the surrogacy process!
Yes, the matching process allows you to choose intended parents within your home state, across the country, or even internationally. The key is to match with like-minded intended parents, regardless of where you and they live.
Matching considers your preferences, values, medical background, and expectations, aligning you with intended parents who are compatible with your goals. You ultimately review and select the intended parents you want to partner with to ensure a comfortable and compatible match.
Blog Posts
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Your Guide to Surrogacy Travel: Navigating Appointments, Delivery & More
Travel is sometimes part of the surrogacy experience, from clinic appointments to delivery planning. Here’s what to expect and how agencies make it easy.