Surrogacy and Family: Talking to Your Kids About Being a Surrogate

When you decide to become a surrogate, the experience will not only impact you but also your family—especially your children. They’re an important part of this experience, and including them can make the process more meaningful for everyone.  

If you’re wondering how to explain surrogacy to your kids, from carrying a baby who won’t be staying in the family to the ways they can be involved, we’re here to help! 

Start the Conversation 

The initial conversation can feel challenging, but starting simple can ease your children into understanding surrogacy. Each family’s approach will vary based on age, comprehension, and personal values. If you’re looking for a jumping-off point, many surrogates find that children’s books about surrogacy and IVF are a gentle introduction. 

For example, one of our team members started reading these books with her kids once she decided to move forward with her surrogacy journey. When she matched with the intended parents, she explained, “We told our kids how much we love them and wanted to help another family have a baby to love, just like we do. Since we’d already been reading about surrogacy, they understood the idea of helping another family. We explained that a doctor would help put the intended parents’ embryo in Mommy’s belly, where she would help the baby grow strong until it was ready to go home with its family.” 

Kids are naturally compassionate and often grasp the idea of helping others quite easily. Tailor the details to their age and understanding. You know your children best and can decide how much to share about the process. 

Involve Them in the Process 

Including your kids can make the journey special for them, too. Younger children may not fully understand, but they’ll enjoy helping in their way. One surrogate shared how her children loved video chats with the intended parents and tagging along to doctor’s appointments. During one call, her kids shared their favorite Disney songs, including “You’ll Be in My Heart,” which made the moment even more meaningful for everyone involved. 

Older children may engage with surrogacy differently, perhaps by learning more about the science behind it. One surrogate’s son, initially unsure, became fascinated with how surrogacy worked and even did a project on IVF and the surrogacy process. Through research, he developed a deeper appreciation for his mother’s role, growing to understand and value the journey. 

Keeping Them Involved After the Baby’s Birth 

You might wonder if your kids will feel a sense of loss or attachment after the baby’s birth. Many surrogates find the opposite to be true. One surrogate noted that, while her kids enjoyed helping care for the baby during pregnancy, they understood their unique relationship with the “surrobaby.” When the baby left with its family, they felt happy knowing they’d helped in a meaningful way and were ready to return to their regular lives. 

For some families, staying connected with the intended parents after birth helps preserve a sense of extended family. Sharing updates and exchanging stories keeps the experience alive and meaningful without creating confusion for the kids. 

Tailor Your Approach to Your Family 

Every surrogacy journey is unique, and so is every child. You know best how your children process new information and change, so use that knowledge to determine the right way and time to bring them into your surrogacy journey. Some children may take on a protective role, while others may focus on nurturing the baby. The best approach is to be open, honest, and positive, showing them the wonderful thing you’re doing for another family. 

Surrogacy.com is here to support your entire journey, offering resources, advice, and a community that understands the joys and challenges of being a surrogate. We’re honored to be part of your experience and to support you and your family at every step. 

What’s Next?  

If you’re feeling inspired to learn more about surrogacy, start with our surrogacy compatibility form to see if it’s the right fit for you. We’re here to support you as you explore this incredible journey and make a lasting impact on a family’s life. 

For more information, visit our Surrogacy FAQ page.