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An Open Letter In Support Of Surrogacy
From Victorious Parents
The mystery and majesty of surrogacy still astounds me daily as I witness the lives of my two precious daughters unfold. I cannot imagine what my life would be like had I not chosen this "road less traveled " to become a mother.
What struck me most about the idea of surrogacy in the beginning was that it just made sense. Period. If there were women in the world willing to carry a child for an infertile couple, then the questions wasn't why - but why not?
After ten years of effort. . . operations, nine in vitro attempts, an ectopic pregnancy, endless prayers, and disappointments, I came to the sad conclusion that I would not be the one carrying our child. We needed to trust someone else to help my husband and me realize our dream of parenthood. I'd met a woman who had written an article about the whole process highlighting a small midwestern agency, so I contacted them, and the rest, as they say, is history!
Once the decision was made, I never had any doubts that everything would work out. "You will have a baby, " the agency social worker assured me during our first conversation, and it was with that belief that we set forth on our journey.
I must say our experience with Hagar Associates was wonderful. Their warmth, understanding, and careful matching process resulted in not just one but two extraordinary surrogates for us! Our relationships were begun under the best of circumstances and I'm sure that accounts for at least part of why we are all still friendly to this day.
You cannot under estimate the importance of a scrutinizing screening process for both the surrogate and yourselves! (My husband and I were interviewed and questioned thoroughly to insure we were good candidates for this process!) But, of course, the most important assets in this situation are a loving heart and open mind. These women are undertaking a monumental task for you and they deserve as much support, praise and encouragement as is possible.
The excitement and tension I felt the day we met our first surrogate is still etched in my mind. We had exchanged letters and photos, but I still agonized over what to wear, and would she like us? I was sick to my stomach with anxiety. As I sat across from her at a restaurant table, she might as well have had a halo on her head, for she was our angel....all our hopes and dreams rested on her delicate shoulders....our future at her feet. She sat with her husband and youngest child (a two-year old) by her side.
Now that I know what real motherhood is like, I'm sure her mind was in many different places besides with us that day. Just occupying a two year old in a restaurant is enough without trying to carry on a meaningful conversation! Her husband's presence, attitude, and even sense of humor were so comforting to us. I remember him remarking as we all sat around the doctor's office for the first insemination "You'll have a little one running around your house like that before long," as he pointed to his young son charging down the hall. (Could it really be?" I asked myself.)
Meanwhile, my husband was the epitome of grace under pressure, doing what was necessary for the procedure. I thank God he was always able to be there to provide the biological link to our offspring. "You just do what you have to do, " he has said so often. He was my rock and support all along and has made a fabulous father. The day our firstborn arrived was the happiest we've shared together since our wedding fourteen years ago. I was in awe and ecstasy to see her emerge....I finally said good-bye to all the pain and heartache of the past and welcomed my new life, and hers, with open arms.
The following year it was love all over again seeing our second daughter and holding her in my arms. Through a complicated set of circumstances, we were brought together with another wonderful woman (by the same agency) who also had three beautiful children and a supportive husband....I love and adore both our surrogate mothers....they are like long, lost sisters to me.
Now that I'm a busy mom chasing two preschoolers, I marvel at how these women found the time and energy to conceive and carry a child for us!! They endured emotional and physical discomfort so that my husband and I could have a family. They are truly "angels" to us and we are grateful to them every day of our lives. They deserve all the credit and admiration of the world, but somehow people feel strange about this arrangement.
My hope is that this web site will dispel some of the myths of surrogacy and give those of you out there with the courage and resources to do so to try it! Surrogacy has gone on quietly for centuries and can be found in the Bible (the story of Hagar the handmaiden). There have always been family members who have stepped in to aid a woman unable to carry a child. Now we must insure that this loving solution to infertility be allowed to continue in a lawful climate.
Having children has brought me back to my roots as a Christian. I often think of surrogate mothers with the beatitudes in mind. . ."Blessed are the Pure in Heart for they will see God" and . . . "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven ".
In my heart I add. . ."Blessed are the surrogate mothers of the world who share the ultimate gift of life with those of us less fortunate". . .for their kindness will live on forever, the beauty and love they have brought forth everlasting.
WITH ALL OUR LOVE AND THANKS,
"VICTORIOUS PARENTS "
Copyright 1996. The American Surrogacy Center, Inc.(TASC), Marietta, GA
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