One Surrogate's Story
After the birth of my two sons, I read an article about surrogacy in a magazine and thought seriously about doing it. I chose not to do it at the time because I knew that if I had a little girl, I would not be able to give her up. I had always wanted a girl but had had two boys instead. A few years later, my husband and I had a little girl. A few months after that, I heard about surrogacy again and was sure this was something I wanted to do. I wanted to finish school and someone else wanted a child. I felt like surrogacy was an experience that I would thoroughly enjoy and never forget and also a way someone could help me and in the process I could help them.One morning I turned the TV on for the kids to watch Sesame Street and was ready to turn the channel when I caught the end of the Sally Jesse show with a number on the screen for surrogacy. Mostly out of curiosity, I picked up the phone and dialed. I was asked for my address and few more pieces of information and was told I would receive some information in the mail. A few days pasted and I did receive this information as promised.
While reading about surrogacy and this particular agency, I became even more interested in the prospect of helping a couple who could not bear children make their dreams come true. This really seemed to hit home with me because I have a sister who lost her first born son the day he was born and was told she would probably never have children again. Although she did have a little girl several years later, the pain I saw her and our whole family go through, never did leave me.
I was so interested in doing this, that I spoke to many of my family members who seemed a little nervous and unsure about why I was doing this. My mother was upset that I would be giving up one of her grandchildren. My convictions were so strong that I convinced her and the rest of the family that there was another set of potential grandparents out there just waiting for me to make their dreams come true.
Only a few months later, I was chosen by a couple who had one child through surrogacy already and wanted one more. I gave the agency permission for them to call me. That night the couple called and we must have talked on the phone for at least an hour if not longer. Right then I knew this was meant to be. They were so concerned about me and my feelings as well as their own.
A few more weeks past and I was flown into New York to meet them, sign the contract, and do the insemination if I felt comfortable with them and was still willing to go through with this. Not only did they treat me like a queen while I was there, but they took me into their home and treated me like they would treat family. The following day, we went to the office where the insemination would take place and the parents stayed with me through the entire process. This is a request I had from the very beginning. I needed a couple who would be as much a part of this experience as if they were carrying this child themselves. They of course agreed and were very happy to be part of the pregnancy. I felt this would ease any attachment I might have with this baby.
I flew home and 12 days later got the results of the blood tests and immediately called the couple to tell them I was indeed pregnant! This started nine months of one of the greatest friendships I have ever had. My surrogate mom was my best friend. She called at least once a week if not more and towards the end of the pregnancy, she called me everyday. I was never without and always had someone to talk to if I got emotional which most pregnant women do. I had had 3 children of my own and knew that I would get emotional, but she was ready for this and she was great.
The day I went into labor, I was sitting in class and realized it was time. There was only 45 minutes left so I carefully watched the clock and when class ended I rushed home and told my husband we needed to get on the road. We lived about 5 hours from the hospital so we knew we needed to get going as soon as possible. I tried to call the parents but was unable to reach them. I left their number with my mother when I dropped the kids off with her and we headed out of town. The trip was like a roller coaster ride. Bumpy and uncomfortable but I was glad it was finally happening. After all, it was Friday and if things went well I could be back in school on Monday! When we arrived at the hospital it was apparent that my mother had reached the parents of this baby. The father was waiting outside the emergency room entrance with wheelchair and the mother was up pacing the floor in the maternity section of the hospital. This was a little embarrassing but I never believed that they would be so involved. This was very exciting for me. The plan was for my husband to wait outside for me while the mother joined me in the labor room but I was in so much pain that I asked him to stay. So I was lucky enough to have two coaches!
To help the labor along I started walking the halls but had to stop during the contractions. During this time the surrogate father would massage my back for me which helped the pain immensely. We had decided to do this drug free so it would be better for the baby. Six hours later a beautiful 7 pound 11 ounce baby girl was born. The mother was so excited but didn't know whether she should leave my side in the delivery room to go see the baby. I looked at her and told her it was her turn now and she needed to be with her baby as soon after birth as possible so the bonding could start. The doctor showed her to the other side of the room where her new little girl was. She began crying many happy tears. Right then I had realized that this was the right thing to do. The doctor was so great that he even called the husband into the delivery room to see his new daughter. He was a bit squeamish so he stayed out. I agreed to let them both stay in the mother said he would faint for sure! He was so happy that I don't think he even noticed any blood! I will never forget the moment they wheeled me into my room. There on the night stand was two dozen long stemmed roses with the most beautiful card I had ever seen in my life.
I never felt like they didn't care for me as much as they did the baby. Sunday when I was to leave the hospital I asked them If I could hold her all the way to the elevator. The parents walked with me to the elevator and I kissed them all good-bye. I told their baby that I did this because I loved her and I loved them and I hoped she had a good life. My last words to the baby were, "I will see you again someday". And this I do mean. I receive pictures and letters once a year from her parents so I can see her growth from afar. She is one of the most beautiful little girls in the world as she is so happy as are her parents.
A few years later, I was asked to do this again for another couple I did not hesitate. Once again a I made friends with another family and made their wish come true. They had no children and had been through 2 other surrogates who had backed out. I knew I was needed and 1 year later they were the proud parents of a beautiful 7 pound 6 ounce baby girl.
I will never regret bringing life into this world. I feel these girls are here for a reason and If I am ever asked to do it again. I will!
Diane,
Surrogate Mother
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