Dear Baby Letter
By: A Surrogate Mother
Dear Baby,
As my pregnancy and our time together near an end, my thoughts and feelings about our amazing experience together are filling my days. I feel an overwhelming urge to put down some of my many, many feelings on paper. If in the future you have an opportunity to read this letter I think that would be wonderful but it is not for purely unselfish reasons that I write it. This has been one of the most gratifying and joyous experiences in my life. There are so many precious moments that I fear I have already forgotten. By writing you this letter I will have the opportunity to read about and remember our time together.
I love you. People often ask me if I feel a bond with you and the answer is yes, I do. It is quite different than the bond I felt when I carried my own children. I feel like we are very good friends. You make me laugh when you kick me and I delight in seeing my stomach become misshapen with contortions. With this pregnancy I am relieved of the normal pressures of preparing for a new baby; such as the enormous job of caring for you after you are born so I am free to have fun with you. You are very easy to care for while you are on the inside. I try to eat well, we go to our doctor's appointments and most importantly, I try to send you all the love and concern your parents have for you, to you, every day.
The bond I feel for you extends to your Mommy and Daddy. I can feel them thinking of us all the time. We have quite a distance and language barrier but they love you so much that it overcomes these barriers with ease. Your Mommy sends me the most wonderful letters, cards and gifts. There are so many and I have kept them all. From the moment I met your Mom many months ago, I knew that she was going to be an excellent mother. I could feel how much she wanted you and when I looked into her eyes I could feel a lifetime of hopes and dreams. They have waited a very long time for you, you are a very lucky baby.
Sometimes the awesome responsibility of caring for something of such great importance for someone else is overwhelming. Even with my own children I was never this cautious. Being in the car, for example, has become an exercise in paranoia. I know how much you mean to your parents and it's my job to deliver you to them happy and healthy, safe and sound. I also cannot imagine how they must feel having to relinquish that responsibility to someone else. They are trusting me. I have done and continue to do my very, very best. As close to your own Mommy as I can. She would have given the world to carry you herself. That is on my mind constantly.
I want to tell you a little about what's been going on in the outside world the past several months. I often wonder if someday you will be able to learn the English language with great ease or have incredible cravings for strange things like chips and salsa. Our time together started nine months or so ago when the I.V.F. physician put you inside me. Your Mom was right by my side and your Dad was waiting right outside the room. When your Mom squeezed my arm and looked into my eyes after the procedure, I had a really positive feeling that we were successful. We were.
You have been in the middle of our crazy, busy, wonderful family for nine months now. You have come along with me everywhere, from the routine to the bizarre, you were there. I have four children, the youngest of which I feel you must know very well. She is with us all day and it is her voice you probably recognize second only to mine. She is only two so you hear her voice, crying, screaming, singing, all the time. My husband's voice is the only deep one that you hear with regularity and you probably hear it often, he talks quite a bit. You have probably heard our children fighting and me yelling at them more than I would like to admit. You have also, unfortunately, been witness to family disagreements and discussions (fights) between my husband and I. I apologize for these times but you were also in the middle of the reconciliation's and the making up. You got to be right in the middle of many, many big hugs. It is all a part of life you and your parents will experience yourselves soon. We all love each other very much and I hope that you could feel that.
I first felt you move during the re-release of Star Wars at the theater. It was very loud. You went to see all three of the Star Wars Trilogy with us. I listen to many different kinds of music. The past months I have listened to quite a bit of The Black Crowes, Nirvana and Barry Manilow. Music is always on in the car and we seem to always be in the car. We watch Sesame Street every morning and watch some television almost every night. We usually watch David Letterman before we go to bed. These are just a few of the many, many sounds you may have heard in our busy days.
I love food. I like pretty much all food and a lot of it. You have been able to experience everything from Mexican to Japanese, hamburgers to tofu. I do crave seafood more than I ever have, is that you? I have also put away gallons of milk. I have been trying to drink a lot of water but I will confess to exposing you to a few Diet Pepsi sodas. It was my one addiction before I became pregnant and I am proud that I was able to stop my several soda a day habit for you. It was my pleasure. Thank you for not giving me any problems with anything that I ate. You were a real trouper and didn't even give me one minute of morning sickness either! I cannot express to you how much I appreciate this.
The doctor told us that you could be born anytime now. Your Mommy is in the country and is anxiously awaiting your arrival. I will miss you. It is a wonderful feeling to carry a child. I am forever aware of how difficult it must be for your Mom to have me carry you. For ten months, no matter where I was, I was never alone. You were there, growing, turning, kicking and punching. As a matter of fact, you are very active right now. Is it the keyboard right on top of your head (it fits right under my enormous stomach), are you dancing to the music that's playing or do you know that I am thinking of you? It will be hard to break the habit of rubbing and patting my stomach. Soon you will make your parents dreams come true and they will take over in your care. I will always carry your memory inside me in my heart and soul.
I want to thank you and your parents for the opportunity to be a part of the miracle that is you. It is hard to express to you how much you have given me and my family. We will forever be thankful to have known you and participated in the very beginning of your life.
I Love You,
Your Surrogate Mother
June
1997
Copyright 1996. The American Surrogacy Center, Inc.(TASC), Marietta, GA
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