Christmas Angels: A Successful
Gestational SurrogacyBy: S.B.
In December 1996, I gave birth to twin girls at 33 weeks. This miracle happened after two years and five IVF attempts. I am writing this article to share my experience with others who are thinking about surrogacy.My surrogacy experience began when my husband and I were reading an alternative newspaper and saw an agency ad for surrogates. At the time, we were living an a tiny apartment with our 18 month-old baby boy. We had just started new jobs and knew we wanted to buy a home quickly, but we worried about the down payment needed. I had heard that surrogates were being paid a substantial fee, and realized that with that money I could buy my home. I had an easy pregnancy with my son and loved being pregnant. After speaking with my husband, we decided to call the agency for more information.
After calling the agency and giving them my personal information such as marital status and age, I was sent an application. The application was approximately 15 pages and it asked for my medical history and background, along with a final question of what my reasons were for wanting to be a surrogate. I wanted to be honest since I knew my application was going to be read by prospective couples. I stated I really wanted to help another couple achieve parenthood, but at the same time I wanted a home in which to raise my baby. Those were my two reason for wanting to be a surrogate. I sent the application in with photos of myself and my child (just to prove I had actually given birth) and hoped for the best. About a month later, I was contacted by the agency and a couple who were interested in me in a conference call! I was so excited!
When the decision was made by the couple to use me, I was sent to the fertility clinic for medical and pyschological testing to make sure I understood what was going to happen to me. I was shown the hormones I was to take along with the very large needles! To be honest, I became scared at seeing the needles and hearing about the daily injections. I thought to myself, I can't do this! I think my fear showed through because the nurse stressed how important my committment was to follow through. The first transfer attempt was scheduled for the following month.
Two weeks prior to the transfer, my husband started to inject me with the hormones twice daily. The first injection made my rear so sore I had difficulty sitting down for a day. My husband was working the night shift at the time so he would inject me in the morning before I left for work and when he came home at 1:00 am. He would turn me over while I was sleeping and inject me. Luckily, I am a sound sleeper so I would only flinch in my sleep. One week prior to the transfer, I was given another hormone to inject daily in my upper arm. My body was full of needle pricks!
I was so excited on the day of the transfer. I just knew I was going to be pregnant. The transfer itself isn't very painful. The procedure takes about 15 minutes. After the transfer, my bed was tilted down so gravity would help. An hour later I was told I could leave, and I was given strict instructions to remain horizontal for at least 24 hours. I lived two hours away from the clinic so a hotel room was my destination.
A week later I was given a pregnacy test; it was negative. I was so crushed. I really wanted this to work. I cried and moped for several days. My husband joked with me that I was probably more disappointed than the couple. I talked to the doctor and he told me it was an odds game. The more attempts, the better the chances. We scheduled another attempt within 3 months.
From the beginning of my journey into surrogacy, I debated telling my employers what I was doing. I wanted to be honest and let them know, but was unsure of their response. I decided to tell my manager. Big mistake. She didn't outright disapprove, but I could tell she was shocked by what I had told her. Within a month of my first transfer attempt, I was fired from my job. Since I was on six months' probation as a new hire, the company could fire me without giving a reason. I believe I was fired because she and the company did not condone what I was doing in my personal life. However, I had no proof. I told the couple what had happened and they were very supportive. If I needed anything, I was told to ask. Luckily, my husband was able to support us. My unemployment lasted about 4 months at which time I was desperate to take any job.
The second attempt came 2 weeks after I had started with a new company. Talk about being stressed. I definitely wasn't going to tell my employer what I was doing. I worried about taking time off, so I pleaded for the clinic to schedule on a Saturday so I wouldn't miss work. The pregnancy test came out negative. Additional tests were run on me and I was given more medications and hormones to help better my chances. We only had one more attempt.
Within 3 months of starting my new job, my husband and I moved into our first home. I could tell the couple was very happy for us, but at the same time, apprehensive. The original reason for the surrogacy was so we could have enough money to purchase a home. Since we had our home, there wasn't a reason to continue. But I had one more attempt to fulfill and just knew I would become pregant that time. Everyone had high hopes during the third transfer, but it too came back negative. I was so disappointed in myself and body. I could not understand why I was a failure. Technically, my surrogacy experience was over. But I really wanted to become pregnant for the couple and told them I would continue.
I switched jobs for better pay and position during my fourth transfer attempt. New job and new male boss, so I made sure to keep quiet. Great news....I was pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!! The Mrs. and I cried when we heard I was pregnant. But my HCG levels were not increasing as they should have. After a few more tests, the doctor concluded I had an ectopic pregnancy and that the pregnancy would have to be terminated for my safety. I was depressed and yet happy because I had finally become pregnant.
At this point, I was becoming weary of the injections, the doctor visits, and just wanted to have my life back. My son was 3 years old and I started to think about having a baby for myself. I would become depressed and tell my husband I didn't want to do this anymore. But, then he would show me the letters and cards from the couple and tell me not to give up. So I told him I would try just one more time...I think the couple was becoming weary also, but we all put on a brave face at the fifth attempt. I was pregnant!!! We tried not to become too excited until the HCG levels were high enough to determine a true pregnancy. In fact, the numbers were so good, I was told I probably had a multiple pregnancy!! Yikes!
After 2-1/2 years, I was pregnant with twins. I was told to be very careful during the first 12 weeks so my risk of a miscarriage would be minimal. My first ultrasound appointment was a disaster since I started to bleed heavily. The doctor could not determine the cause of the bleeding and told me I was probably having a miscarriage. I was told to come back in two days since the doctor could not locate the babies on the monitor. When I came back for my appointment, two hearts were found!!!!! I was officially having twins. I finally met the couple at my nine-week ultrasound checkup. We had corresponded through telephone and mail, but had never actually met. They were able to see their twin girls for the first time!
Each week went by with a sigh of relief. I knew twins would more than likely come early and was told if they were born at 32 weeks or more, they would have an excellent chance of surival. The couple came to every ultrasound appointment and took home new photos. Every week I would give them updates on the babies' activities. I was still working full-time so I was busy.
At 31 weeks, I was told by my doctor to start my disability leave. I had originally wanted to work up to my due date, but realized I was becoming exhausted due to my increasing size. Within a week, I developed a mild case of toxemia and was admitted to the hospital. After stabilizing my blood pressure, they told me to go home and stay on bedrest. I was sent home with a blood pressure gauge and told to do a reading twice daily. Within 2 days of being released from the hospital, I checked myself back in. My blood pressure was now 185/115. An immediate C-section was ordered.
As I was being prepped for my C-section, my husband was thoughtful enough to suggest the Mrs. to visit the NICU. He wanted her to be prepared for where her twins were going to go after birth. She came back into my room in tears, but at least she knew what to expect. I was told I could only have one person with me in the operating room and decided the Mrs. would be the one. My husband understood and waited outside. The Mr. was on this way to the hospital and had to miss the actual birth. The joy on the Mrs. face as the twins were being born was amazing!!! I was so worried about the twins' health, I let myself pass out only after hearing two very angry wails in the operating room.
The birthweights of the twins were 4.6 lbs and 3.10 lbs. They spent about 20 days in NICU and were sent home with no complications. Within 4 weeks, I was back to work.
I finally visited the twins last week. They now weigh 10-12 lbs each!!! They are the most beautiful babies and their parents couldn't be more grateful or happy. I am so glad I was able to do this for them. This experience has shown me how dedication and perseverance pays. I plan to continue contact as the parents are willing and hope to be a small part of their lives.
Each year, I plan to keep the tradition of sending Christmas ornaments to the couple for the twins. I sent a baby ornament at each Christmas prior as a good luck gift, and told them someday they would have a Christmas angel to love. At the time I didn't realize to send more than one!
To everyone who is trying or thinking about surrogacy, don't give up hope. I had a wonderful relationship with my couple and would do it all over again for them.
March 1997
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