WHEN YOUR SURROGATE IS A
FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIENDBy: Meryl B. Rosenberg, Attorney at Law
When a family member or friend offers to be your surrogate, it seems like an unbelievable gift has been given to you. You cannot wait to begin the process. The question you should ask first, though, is what you must do to prepare for this type of surrogacy.
The answer is simple. Having the surrogate medically and psychologically screened, and entering into a written surrogacy agreement, are key elements of a surrogacy arrangement. This is so regardless of whether the surrogate is a complete stranger or if the surrogate is a family member or family friend. These steps should be taken whether required by state law or not. One of the great misconceptions, and often a hard-learned lesson, is that when your surrogate is a member of your family or is a friend you do not have to go through the usual steps in proceeding with the surrogacy.
The first step - the medical screening - is never ignored by anyone. Its significance is unquestioned no matter what type of surrogacy arrangement is involved. Without the green light that the surrogate is medically healthy and able to proceed, the surrogacy arrangement would stop right there.
The next step - the psychological evaluation of the surrogate - is often ignored or waived in a family or friend surrogacy. It should not be. The importance of a psychological screening cannot be stressed enough. Not only does it provide a full evaluation of the surrogate to assure that she is an appropriate candidate for surrogacy, it also provides the surrogate with an opportunity, in the course of the discussions with the psychologist, to explore what will be expected of her and what she will be going through both physically and emotionally.
Often, a family member or friend offers to be your surrogate as an emotional response to your not being able to have a child in the ìtraditionalî fashion. In your excitement to accept such an incredible offer, both you and your potential surrogate frequently forget to explore some of the most important questions and details of a surrogacy, and to assure that everyone understands the surrogacy process. Remember, the ìideaî if being your surrogate is a wonderful one, but it is not for everyone. The psychological evaluation will enable your surrogate to be better prepared, and will answer the question if she in fact can go through with the process. It is of the utmost importance to know from the outset, through the screening procedure, if your friend or family member is indeed an appropriate candidate to serve as your surrogate.
Finally, before entering into the ìmedicalî phase (artificial insemination of the surrogate or IVF and embryo transfer), a written agreement is essential for every surrogacy arrangement. This means that a written agreement is necessary whether required by state law or not, and whether your surrogate is a stranger or is well known to you. The reason for this is clear. You are entering into one of the most complex undertakings of our time. A written agreement forces all involved to focus on each aspect of the surrogacy process; the time involved, the duties, the emotions, the risks, and the medical procedures. The agreement also puts into words everyoneís expectations, especially with regard to issues such as confidentiality, interrelationships both during and after the surrogacy, parental and custodial rights, medical testing during pregnancy, and decision-making if a disagreement arises with respect to medical decisions during the course of the surrogacy.
Many issues and conflicts which may arise during the medical phase of the surrogacy process, during pregnancy, and even after birth, may not be anticipated by anyone involved when first starting out on the surrogacy journey. Having a written agreement from the beginning, in which there has been a clear meeting of the minds on all aspects of the surrogacy process, will prevent conflict from arising, and will assist in making your journey a smooth one.
The very nature of surrogacy itself mandates that the steps just described be taken no matter who is involved in the process. Though some have tried to skip one or more of these steps in a ìclose relationshipî surrogacy, my experience is that those cases end in disappointment or disagreement, and may in fact tear a family or friendship apart. Spending the time and effort from the very beginning to follow each step will both prevent a break-down in the relationship, and will make your experience a positive and, hopefully, a successful one.
May 1997
Copyright 1997. The American Surrogacy Center, Inc.(TASC), Marietta, GAThe information contained in the website may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The American Surrogacy Center, Inc. If you would like to include this information on your website, you may link to the page directly on our site.
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